FEATURE — If the holidays seem like a flurry of nonstop commitments that pull you away from your family, you are not alone.
The holidays are supposed to be cheerful, relaxing and filled with rituals of connection. However, for many of us, the holidays have become so fast-paced that we are chronically running behind as we try to keep up with the numerous time-killing activities that are thrown at us. All in all, this time of year can be family fun-draining.
I am now going to give you three ideas that can change your holiday life. By implementing them, you will regain control of your time, look forward with anticipation to your family rituals and enjoy some relaxing fun.
Use a shared schedule with your mate.
The holidays cannot be managed while flying by the seat of your pants. You and your mate will benefit by sharing a schedule that includes mandatory activities, time commitments you want to make and agenda items you want to accomplish.
Don’t forget to block out travel time, and leave blocks of “white space” where nothing is scheduled. These white space blocks will become the flex time that you will inevitably need. Be realistic about what you can actually accomplish in the 168 hours you have available to you each week.
Learn the magic of the clear and direct “no.”
It is completely reasonable to say “no” to things that do not support your family purposes over the holidays. Most of you have in-laws, extended family members, church groups, work associates, friends, children and grandchildren scattered around the country. Everyone will come to you with invitations they believe are the most important. You cannot please every single person or group. Thus, you will need to disappoint lots of folks as you determine what is best for your family.
The best way to manage the pressure to please everyone is to be clear and direct in saying “yes” or “no.” People will understand that when you say “no,” it is due to a scheduling conflict and is not personal. They may express disappointment at your “no” answer, but they will grow from experiencing that moment with you. Learn to commit only to what supports your personal family rituals, and be all in. Being intentional is the key to successfully getting through the holidays.
Slow down and stay connected to your partner and your own little family.
Don’t be in so much of a rush to please everyone that you lose connection with the members of your own family. I understand that extended family is important, but your nuclear family is always the most important stewardship, and those connections are to be held sacred.
Slow everything down so that you have time for an extra date night through the holiday weeks and time to attend important events with your children while saying “no” to the other less important events. Above all, slow down so that you are accessible to your spouse and children. Give your family the best part of you – not the leftovers!
If you are mindful of these three simple ideas this holiday season, you will get through the holidays with style. You will lose the frantic “don’t disappoint anyone by doing everything” behaviors. You will be intentional with your schedules, and come Jan. 1, you will be refreshed and prepared for a brand new year!
For more on this topic, visit my YouTube channel: The Counseling Experience with Matt Eschler, your relationship coach.
Written by MATT ESCHLER, PhD, LMFT.
This article was originally published in the November/December 2022 issue of St. George Health and Wellness magazine.
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