FEATURE — “Can Cody even wipe his own bum,” my ten-year-old nephew asks his mom. From the bathroom, Cody himself answers instantly: “Nope! But I CAN karate chop!” Through the open door my sister sees Cody, still seated on the toilet, slicing his flat, chubby hand at the paper roll in front him.
“Yep, he can karate chop,” she thinks. And even says so out loud. Not that the toilet paper needs karate chopping. But Cody is right. He can karate chop. For what it’s worth.
At four, things are simple like that.
When I was his age, I was proud of the things I could do and composed a song, which I’d sing daily, to celebrate my many perceived achievements: “I can whistle. I can snap. I can tie my shoes – I can blow bubbles, too, do-do, do-do!”
And I could – do all those things. For what it was worth.
At almost forty-five, I can still do all those things. Yay, me! But I don’t go around singing about it anymore. That would be weird.
Plus, I’m not feeling nearly as optimistic these days about my general prospects. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not sleeping well because of the triple digit heat. Maybe it’s the sciatic nerve pain that’s been shooting down my right leg for the past five days.
Maybe it’s the Avenger-level-battle I’m engaged in on these long summer days to get my boys off their electronic devices.
Maybe it’s seeing my parents slowing down and knowing that time is not on our side.
Maybe it’s me slowing down a little bit, too. I feel just a little more tired than I used to after I hike or after I stay up late doing something fun. And my pants are starting to feel a little tighter around the waist and thighs than they did even a few months ago despite regular exercise and a mostly healthy diet.
My husband has been in Atlanta all week for work. As we talked this morning over the phone and I was expressing some frustration about the whole feeling tired thing and the whole body thickening thing, I could hear him smiling. Not mockingly. But lovingly.
“You know, this ninety-year-old woman I saw on Tik-Tok (yes, he is fifty-something and watching ninety-somethings on Tik-Tok) has some advice about that. She says the secret to life is not becoming a ‘but once’ person. You know, I’m not happy now, but once this happens or that happens, I will be. Whether it’s a question of money or body or what’s happening with the kids. Instead, being a happy in the now person. Whatever the circumstances.”
I’m not really a “but once” person, but I saw his point: the narrative in my head hasn’t been serving me or my happiness much. See list above.
The four-year-old me would be disappointed. And confused. “I mean,” she’d probably say with her hands on her hips and her uncombed head cocked to one side, “can you or can you not still whistle, snap, tie your shoes, and blow bubbles, too. Do-do. Do-do?”
It was simple then. It doesn’t feel so simple now. But it probably should be. At least simpler than we tend to make it.
Eric Barker, author of the book “Plays Well With Others,” thinks things should be very simple as it relates to our happiness. He says, “Make a list of the things that make you happy. Make a list of the things you do every day. Compare the lists. Adjust Accordingly.”
A girlfriend of mine, who successfully battled Hodgkin’s Lymphoma this year, shared with me her list in the form of a laminated card that now hangs from a magnet board outside my kitchen. The card reads: “This year I want to be more like Jesus: hang out with sinners; upset religious people; tell stories that make people think; choose unpopular friends; be kind, loving and merciful; and take naps on boats.”
Her list was partly in jest, but I think her point is about perspective. Just like the ninety-year-old on Tik-Tok. Just like Mr. Barker. Just like my four-year old snapping and whistling self. And even just like my nephew Cody, who has no shame in the fact he can’t wipe himself (yet) because there’s plenty else he can do. Karate chopping included.
Kat Dayton is a columnist for St. George News. Any opinions given are her own and not representative of St. George News staff or management.
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