Here & there: Whole lot of mothering going on

Mother and young daughter running on seashore during daytime, location unknown, Sept. 14, 2021 | Photo by Elena Pasenko via Scopio, St. George News

FEATURE — Good morning. Happy Mother’s Day. To all the women out there who mother – in whatever form that mothering takes. Maybe it’s mothering children of your own. Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s mothering students at school or neighbors down the block. Perhaps it’s even mothering yourself. In ways you wish you’d been mothered before.

Mother enjoying her children’s presence in bedroom in the morning, Indonesia, Oct. 29, 2020 | Photo by Nicolaus Bonaventura via Scopio, St. George News

My point is: There is a lot of mothering happening in the world and not all of it is conventional. But this holiday is conventional, and it can leave some of us feeling left out.

I say “us” because even though I am a mother of three, I still have a complicated relationship with Mother’s Day. Because on this day, instead of feeling like I’m taking a victory lap, I often feel inadequate in my motherhood. And I often feel like my children – who still fight, can be rude and who often forget said holiday all together – are inadequate.

I mean, come on people, don’t you know this is Mother’s Day and you’re not doing this holiday like all the other people on Instagram are? Where is my breakfast in bed? Where are the handpicked flowers and precious gifts you planned out months ago? Where are the gushy tributes?

Speaking of gushy tributes: My husband – who is not my child but still gets roped into this celebration – why are you not putting to pen all the ways I am the mother for all ages, the mother of your dreams to the children of your dreams?

Then, I feel shame for feeling like this when I know other women are desperate for motherhood.

Like I said, it’s complicated. But I guess, so is motherhood.

At its core, motherhood – and mothering – is about loving and nurturing. Unconditionally. It’s about providing space for people to learn and grow into the best versions of themselves, even when they aren’t quite those best versions. Yet.

Mother with her two young daughters wearing pink dresses, location unknown, July 30, 2019 | Photo by Natalia Ivashkevitch via Scopio, St. George News

One of my kitchen cupboards is full of moments in time when my kids were struggling to be the best versions of themselves. We’ve memorialized them on mugs. Because if I didn’t laugh at them, I probably would have cried.

Like the time my middle nearly cracked me over the head with his cello bow while I was trying to help him practice and declared, “I’m a superhero who doesn’t need a sidekick.”

Or the time my youngest told me, while I was wiping his bottom on the toilet, “you know, you’d look prettier if you wore pink lipstick.”

Or when my oldest, who was thirteen at the time, scoffed at my warning against being rude and snarky during a school carpool pick-up: “Snarky is the most mommish word ever. Dads don’t say that crap.”

I recently found an entry from my writing group journal back in 2015 with my feelings on motherhood. My boys were 6, 9 and 12. It went something like this: “That’s it. I’m sick of this [expletive]. Always helping everyone else do what they want. Making all their dreams come true. I am a damn genie. And for what? For tantrums. For attitude. Heaven knows I’m not getting paid. For any of this. Maybe I should monetize my services – my genie-ness. Print up the business cards. Reserve the Instagram. I’m gonna hashtag the hell out of all of this.”

Clearly, it had been a rough night. But some nights and days are like that. Many in fact.

It’s hard work. All that mothering. All that loving and nurturing. It’s also important work. Work we probably need more of in this world if the current state of the world is any indication. Russia. Ukraine. Floods in South Africa. Mudslides in Brazil. Fires in New Mexico. Inflation. Roe v. Wade.

So, here’s to all the mothers of the world. Every single one of us. With or without children of our own. May we keep putting love into this broken world. May we keep providing space for people to grow and learn. To be their best selves. The world needs it. We need it, too.

Copyright St. George News, SaintGeorgeUtah.com LLC, 2022, all rights reserved.

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