‘Be Your Bad Self’: Southern Utah woman’s podcast fights against unrealistic expectations

ST. GEORGE — A new podcast has made its debut in Southern Utah, encouraging love and acceptance by sharing stories that resonate with many who may feel alone in their struggle to be enough.

Just Be Your Bad Self podcast cover | Photo courtesy of Kimber Dutton, St. George News
Just Be Your Bad Self podcast cover | Photo courtesy of Kimber Dutton, St. George News

The “Just Be Your Bad Self Podcast” was started by Kimber Dutton, who said she chose to break free from the suffocating expectations of others and embrace imperfection in every aspect of her life. Dutton hopes to inspire others to embrace all aspects of themselves, taking what they may feel is “bad” and turning it into something beautiful.

Dutton, who spent most of her life in Southern Utah, said she grew up in a religious household in a very perfectionistic family and became a major people-pleaser. She was a straight-A student through high school and went to college in Idaho. 

Dutton said about six years ago, both her parents left their faith, which turned her world completely upside down and led her to question many important aspects of her life. She said she ultimately left the religion herself.

“When you examine something that is such a big part of your life, it really leads you to start examining all other areas as well,” Dutton said. “My views on so many things are so different. I thought I was doing things the one right way when there wasn’t just one right way.”

Dutton has a background as a music teacher and has also started multiple businesses. One of these ventures, selling products on Amazon, led her to a business class that included many challenges as part of the course curriculum. One of the scenarios required her to earn $100 over one weekend using social media. She said she was dabbling in watercolor at the time, and that’s when the idea came to her.

Dutton painted a quick self-portrait and posted it on Facebook. The caption title read, “I’ll paint you a bad portrait.” The portraits were listed at $15 each, with the understanding she would only spend one hour on each painting. The post also stated that commissions were only open until midnight and after that, the price would double. To Dutton’s surprise, she made $500 that weekend.

A "bad portrait" done by Kimber Dutton, Date and location unspecified | Photo Courtesy of Kimber Dutton, St. George News
A “bad portrait” done by Kimber Dutton, Date and location unspecified | Photo Courtesy of Kimber Dutton, St. George News

“I’m not an artist at all. I’ve never taken an art class,” Dutton said. “It’s not like my love, but I think that people really crave authenticity, messiness and humor. And it really opened my eyes, like, I don’t have to be a trained artist for people to want to buy my art.”

Dutton said that by referring to the portraits as bad, it took the pressure off her to be perfect. These bad portraits are depicted on her podcast cover, including the self-portrait she completed as part of her social media post.

Dutton also hosted a few paint nights throughout Washington County. She said her younger sister actually suggested the name “Just Be Your Bad Self paint night,” encouraging people to attend the event and embrace any artistic level.

The podcast

During another online business class, “Made to Do This” by Cathy Heller, Dutton learned to find one thing that lit her up that also could be used as a way to serve others. The class featured different activities designed to help each student find out what was for them.

A "bad portrait" done by Kimber Dutton, Date and location unspecified | Photo Courtesy of Kimber Dutton, St. George News
A “bad portrait” done by Kimber Dutton, Date and location unspecified | Photo Courtesy of Kimber Dutton, St. George News

“One of the things she had us do was start a podcast,” Dutton said. “She said she didn’t care if we actually wanted to start a podcast or not, everyone will make an intro to what your podcast would be if you had one.”

Dutton said she initially felt nervous about the idea and the perfectionist in her knew there was a deadline. She said they were assigned to post the podcast intro on their social media. When she completed the assignment, she was surprised to see how much the intro resonated with her social media following. She then decided she would do a full episode, speaking about something she was passionate about.

“Everyone is always telling us that we aren’t enough,” Dutton said. “The media, our parents, ourselves, our spouses. You’re supposed to have the right clothes and your car isn’t good enough … Not good enough, not good enough, not good enough.”

Dutton states in her first episode that she was done feeling like she wasn’t good enough. She said all the podcast episodes since have featured this theme while exploring the idea of perfectionism versus authenticity and deconstructing her own thoughts, along with what she was raised to believe.

Dutton said that Utah tends to be a very conservative place, with a narrow-minded way of thinking, and she hopes to dismantle that. She said she’s had a variety of stories on her show including subjects such as coming out, being nonbinary, being transgender and more. She said that each story is different, but many find commonalities when they, themselves, feel they don’t measure up to society’s expectations.

“What does it mean to be a good mom?” Dutton said. “Is therapy OK? Can we talk about depression? Some of these more taboo topics that we don’t talk about a lot because it’s sort of our shadow selves or things we don’t accept about ourselves or in other people.”

Dutton said while she’s not making any money off her podcast, the fact that it’s resonating so deeply with people is the reason she keeps going. She said the podcast has been steadily growing and that people reach out to her with experiences like crying through episodes and thank her for sharing messages they really needed to hear.

Registered Drama Therapist Anna Beck, who worked with Dutton professionally in the theatre world, said Dutton was very interested in her career and invited her to be on her podcast. She said that Dutton’s “bad paintings” were her taking the therapeutic act of creation and making it playful, accessible and empowering. Beck was featured on the Just Be Your Bad Self Podcast, Episode 6, “Repairing our inner child with Anna Beck,” on Oct. 21, 2021. She was interviewed about her career, working with teens and specializing in childhood trauma.

Kimber Dutton and Anna Beck take a portrait together, Date and location unspecified | Photo courtesy of Anna Beck, St. George News
Kimber Dutton and Anna Beck take a portrait together, Date and location unspecified | Photo courtesy of Anna Beck, St. George News

“We spoke about how to re-parent after experiencing trauma,” Beck said. “However, Kimber asks insightful questions and wants to know the whole story of someone and so we talked about my childhood and how it led me to the work I do today.”

In January, Dutton hosted her first “Just Be Your Bad Self” retreat. During the event, she said she encouraged attendees to show up wearing whatever they wanted, including pajamas. The goal of the retreat was to allow people to come as they were, being authentically themselves. She said the retreat included a drama therapist and a life coach/yoga teacher and they were able to dig into deep things that were both validating and beautiful. 

Beck said that both she and Dutton share the same goals in work – using arts, creation and authenticity to create healing. She said it made sense to work together on a retreat as well. Beck said she was invited to be a clinician at the first retreat. She said the very first evening she ran a drama therapy group, where women were invited to share the parts of themselves they don’t let others see, through drama and somatic processes. She said Dutton brought together all the right people to create a space of healing and safety. 

“Kimber has an ability to bring people together, both the right facilitator and the right participants,” Beck said. “The retreat was life-changing for individuals, feeling, expressing and witnessing their own emotions and the deep stories of others.”

Beck said that besides Dutton’s amazing podcast voice, she is also a deep thinker. She said she ponders and prepares for her podcasts and asks the right questions. She said Dutton creates a space for others to share their stories, all while accepting and appreciating what they have to say.

“Kimber has created a podcast that is much needed in the world right now,” Beck said. “We need to listen to one another and hold each others’ stories for just a moment. I am so grateful to know her and work with her.”

They are holding their next retreat, “Reclaiming Women’s Sexuality,” in Hildale, Utah, May 12-15. For more information on the upcoming retreat, click here.

Dutton said she hopes to get her podcast into more homes in the area in order to create a community away from the perfectionistic, surface-level expectations most are surrounded by. She said it doesn’t matter how anyone dresses, whether they choose to wear makeup or not, what their sexual orientation is, or anything else. Everyone is welcome and that’s what she is trying to create with her podcast.

“Anyone that is exhausted by trying to live up to this standard that is crazy high in Utah, those are my people,” Dutton said. 

The Just Be Your Bad Self podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and Spotify. To learn more about the podcast, visit its website.

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Copyright St. George News, SaintGeorgeUtah.com LLC, 2022, all rights reserved.

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