Trauma Talk: I know why they do that

Composite from images by Thomas Northcut / DigitalVision, Getty Images, St. George News

OPINION – As I look around “social” is everywhere and the whole mess has everyone tangled up in each other’s business whether inadvertently, deliberately, intentionally or not with no one to blame and yet, everyone seems to be looking for someone, something or God to hang it all on.

The cornucopia of human experience and emotion is upended and disgorging like projectile vomiting at the peak of a frat house Oktoberfest.

I know things.

I spend a lot of time with people and I know why they do the things they do.

I know why your teenagers take offense, get sulky or belligerent and refuse to hear anything about accountability when you are upset they wrecked the family minivan.

I know why your teenage son says, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” when he comes home reeking of weed or of Eau d’ Beer and Vomit.

I know why your teenage daughter says, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” when she comes home reeking of cigarette smoke, shorts or skirt just showing a hint of cheek – not to mention what she’s got on up top, giving a bit of peek.

I know why you feel panicky when those teenagers roar, “You just don’t trust me! You have no idea how good I’m being …” and you recall seeing “Kids” in Social Science 101.

I know why your husband denies flirting and says he was just being friendly. And I know why he surprises you by going shopping with you but is never around when you come out of the fitting room to get his opinion on your selections.

I know why your husband pushes the shopping cart like he’s on a travel tour when your are at Wal-Mart or Costco.

I know why your husband won’t talk about things when asked, “What’s wrong?” and why he gets pissy when you ask him if he just missed a turnoff.

I know why your cheating partner continues to insist their insecurities and even infidelities have nothing to do with you.

I know why your wife spends what seems like hours “getting ready” to go to the store after she’s put you on notice you have to go with her.

I know why wives search the Sunday paper ads clipping coupons, buy Dixie Direct and Girl Scout cookies.

I know why your wives think you’re eyeballing everything wearing a skirt or tight pants … and why they give you grief about it.

I know why your wife doesn’t like you to get a little high or a little tipsy at parties and it really isn’t about not wanting you to have fun.

I know why your wives don’t like to cook for you, rub your neck, put another log on the fire and sizzle up some bacon, serve up some beans.

I even know that the reason you don’t know most of this stuff is because you are almost entirely concerned with being understood … not with being understanding. And I know another reason is that you have not solved the mystery of why you have two ears and only one mouth.

I also know that humans spend a tremendous amount of time getting out of trouble instead of doing a little forethought about not getting into trouble.

I know things. I look beyond the immediate to what lies beneath, behind and beyond. Do you?

Bruce C. Solomon is a licensed therapist in St. George working with people who have suffered any sort of trauma that affects theirs and their family’s lives. Opinions stated in this column are his and may not be representative of St. George News.

Do you have a question for Bruce about trauma affecting your life or someone you know?

Submit questions by email to [email protected] | Questions are published anonymously.

Email: [email protected]

Twitter: @STGnews

Copyright St. George News, LLC, 2017, all rights reserved.

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