This & that: The case of the ‘Cereal Killer’

Photo by Image Source/Stockbyte/Getty Images; St. George News

FEATURE – There were several things that we went without in my household. Wherever my mother could cut corners to save money, she did.

The thing that I noticed most was the cereal my mother bought. Pretty sad, I know. But we loved eating breakfast at the Seymours’ house because they would not only have the good stuff but a variety of the good stuff. Count Chocula, Cap’n Crunch, Trix. We did not get breakfast there often, and it is probably because when we did eat breakfast there we cleaned them out.

My parents bought Cheerios, Rice Krispies, Corn Flakes. Of course we could add sugar to the mix, but it just was not the same.

We had the good stuff once each year: at Christmastime.

I remember the first time I saw the box of Cap’n Crunch brought home from the store. I was in heaven. I wanted to have a bowl right then but my mother informed me that this particular box of cereal was for Christmas morning.

When the anticipated morning arrived, one of our tribe had awoken early — Scott. And he was eating a bowl of cereal. The others and I went to grab a bowl to share in the holiday delight. As I reached for the box I discovered it was empty. I looked at Scott who was hurriedly shoving the last few bites down his gullet. He had eaten the whole box before the rest of us got up.

I would love to happily report that he was severely punished or that my dad raced out to buy some more cereal. Neither happened. My dad chuckled and said “The early bird gets the worm” or something else frivolous.

A year passed and once again my mother bought the good stuff just before Christmas. Immediately we asked for a ruling to be passed down to prevent Scott from deviously depriving the rest of us of our due tasty morsels.

My mother pronounced that we were only allowed to have one bowl of cereal. We could not have a second bowl until everyone had a chance to eat it. That seemed to satisfy everyone, but secretly I was determined to somehow cheat Scott out of his portion.

On Christmas morning we awoke. Scott had already risen and eaten his cereal. I was a bit disappointed but decided that at least I would get some. Once again the cereal box was empty. Scott had eaten all of the cereal again. We complained and Scott then showed us he had indeed had only one bowl – the largest mixing bowl we owned filled with the entire contents of the box.

Rage filled my very soul.

Surely Scott would be punished for his deliberate contravention of the rule. Uh, no. My dad again chuckled and said, “Hey, he only had one bowl.”

When I was finally on my own, I bought the good stuff all the time. I still do. And I would like to say that I have become a bigger person, forgiven my brother, and moved on from his evil, tortious behavior. I am not one to carry a grudge.

But, when he does come to visit, I hide my cereal.

Darren Cole is a developing columnist and otherwise sports writer for St. George News. Any opinions given are his own and not representative of St. George News.

Email: DCole@stgnews.com

Twitter:  @STGnews

Copyright St. George News, SaintGeorgeUtah.com LLC, 2016, all rights reserved.

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1 Comment

  • Common Sense April 11, 2016 at 7:00 am

    The good stuff, really? It is a sweet story. It is obvious to me your parents loved you and that is why they did not let you eat that boxed poison often. My parents were a little more extreme…I was stuck with muesli and bananas. If I wanted something sweet we had a sugar alternative (not substitute) called sucanant.

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