What the HAYnes? Married with babies, a do-nothing average?

HUMOR – I recently read something on the Internet that I suspect was written for the sole purpose of starting an argument. I may be wrong; usually the Internet is a place of love and unity and so it is difficult to say either way. You be the judge.

From “I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry” by Chrissy Stockton under the pseudonym Amy Glass:

Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them. They are the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. They are, by definition, average. And here’s the thing, why on earth are we settling for average? … If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?

There it is.

Chrissy Stockton figured it out, folks. Getting married and having children is “average” and “doing nothing.”

She may be right. Getting married may be average. However, staying married is not. Bearing children may be average. Raising children to be kind, loving, hard-working, law-abiding adults who know how to properly scrub a bathroom is increasingly not average.

And let us pause for a moment and dissect this concept of “doing nothing.”

My children spend several hours a day at school. As I walk them home every afternoon it is my habit to ask them what they have done that day.

“What did you do at school today?” I ask, usually followed by, “Why are you walking in the gutter?! Please get out of the gutter.”

And they reply: “Nothing,” and, “Why can’t we walk in the gutter?! Walking in the gutter is SO awesome.”

And then I say: “You have been at school for seven hours and you have done NOTHING? You just sat there and stared at the wall when you could have been home cleaning the bathroom?” followed by, “Get. Out. Of the gutter.”

Therefore, when my kids graduate from college I am not going to applaud. I am going to be that one silent parent at the back of the auditorium wearing a grimace of disgust because I am not content with applauding gutter-walking people for doing nothing.

Or perhaps my children are doing more than “nothing” at school. Perhaps because of their immaturity and inexperience they are incapable of seeing the big picture. They are incapable of seeing that every time they are asked to write another sentence on wide-ruled paper that they are one step closer to getting a master’s degree or a doctorate or becoming a fighter pilot who does not walk in the gutter.

There are some tasks that appear to accomplish nothing and yet are invaluable to humanity, like raising children, recycling your trash, watering an oak tree or wearing deodorant.

And there are other tasks that may feel like an accomplishment, but are only hollow waste of time, like picking fights on the Internet.


Elise Haynes chronicles family life in her blog Haynes Family Yard Sale. Any opinions stated in this column are her own and not necessarily those of St. George News.

Email: [email protected]

Twitter: @STGnews

Copyright St. George News, SaintGeorgeUtah.com LLC, 2014, all rights reserved.


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  • Bub February 8, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    It depends on what a person wants out of life. The problem with the narrow Mormon mold of what life should consist of(married life with several kids) is that that mold doesn’t make everyone happy. Then they’re made to feel something is wrong with them because they’re not satisfied with that life, and then treated as an outsider. Try to accept the other persons point of view without hostility and with tolerance. That is a big problem in Utah.

    • Richard February 9, 2014 at 8:15 am

      Can someone please help “Bub” find a hobby. For some unexplained reason he thinks we want to entertain his negative thoughts after every article. And now…… We have to listen to his mature and highly intelligent response to my comment.

      • Steve February 9, 2014 at 10:56 am

        At least he didn’t blame the tea party on this one. Lol.

        • Bub February 9, 2014 at 12:41 pm

          well hey if it ruins ur day u an always close ur eyes and scroll past it 😀

    • Joe February 9, 2014 at 10:30 am

      They have a fantasy vision of the world. They are content living in the extremely controlled environment in which they exist. That control is as bad as what you’d find in any middle eastern country with religious zealous governments.

      • Bretticus February 13, 2014 at 4:28 pm

        Sounds like we have the same bigoted tribune trolls trolling along all day here. Let me turn every single story into a rant about “mormons.” Back in the day, I used to try to have an intelligent discussion (some simple fact checks.) Today, I just don’t bother reading comments on stories. Now, why did I waste my time again??? Bad Bretticus! Bad! 🙂

  • joan February 8, 2014 at 4:58 pm

    Amen, Bub! In other states there are moms who do not have the luxury of staying home and still manage to have great marriages and fab kids! It is a lot harder but it does happen! and more frequently than anyone in Utah could ever imagine!

  • Boring February 8, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    Wish people would talk about things other than their babies.

    • Joe February 9, 2014 at 8:02 am

      You got that right. Mormon women either talk about their babies, grandbabies or church. When you look at them and ask “What are your interests?”, they get a blank look on their face. Guess living vicariously through the lives of their babies and grandbabies and church crap is about the extent their their very limited and dull existance. The weirdest moms are the ‘groupie moms’, the ones at every one of their kids’ events screaming from the front row like some tweener at a justin bieber concert. I know of one such mom who goes to her kids shows and then hangs with the kids to show them what a cool mom she is to have produced her kids. What is she going to do when her kids grow up or move away? She might be forced to get a life of her own and meet people her own age.

  • Izzy February 9, 2014 at 8:07 am

    Hey Bud you say Mormon women are in a Mormon mold? You don’t know what you are talking about… I don’t know any of my Mormon friends that don’t have their own interests. We are diverse as any one else, we are teachers, artist, business women, travelers, nurses, lawyers, doctors, airline pilots, business owners, taylors, brokers, and much much more. We love our lives and are content because we can have it all. If you feel like an outsider and not satisfied with your life, you do that to yourself… Patience and tolerance is our middle name.

    • Joe February 9, 2014 at 10:24 am

      Are you sure you’re from St George? Geeez, everywhere you go, it’s “My kids this, my kids that…” and “My drama with my ex-husband(s) with whom I produced all these kids that I talk about… Oh, btw, now let me tell you about what my ward is doing….”

    • Bub February 9, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      I have a few LDS female friends who have either delayed or decided not to have kids. They have been ostracized from the culture and made to feel less than. I just state facts 😀

      • Dumb-de-dumb February 9, 2014 at 2:32 pm

        Imagine being born mormon and from the day you are born, you are told what and when you are going to do for the church. This must particularly be difficult hard on women. Maybe not, because all of them are raised that way, and they think it’s normal. Weren’t marriages once arranged for mormon girls, given out to various men as a sexual reward for the men doing what he was told?

        • Bub February 9, 2014 at 3:57 pm

          “Weren’t marriages once arranged for mormon girls, given out to various men as a sexual reward for the men doing what he was told?”

          I’m pretty sure that’s part of how Brigham Young ruled the Utah Territory.

  • Izzy February 9, 2014 at 8:50 am

    So Joan, are you saying that Mormons in Utah are incapable of imagining there are others who can do the same thing in other states or countries? We do keep up with the news and read magazines and occasionally watch television, We are not oblivious to what’s going on around us. We know about teen pregnancy and abortions on the rise. We also care very much about these issues. Women all around the world should be commended for raising good people to lead us in the future. Not condemned, if having children is not your cup of tea, why would we judge you or your friend Bud, it’s your choice, we really don’t sit around thinking about the choices you make, we are to busy raising our kids to be good adults.2

    • Joe February 9, 2014 at 10:27 am

      If these women do so much for their kids, then why do organizations (boy scouts) have to send their bishop around to get ‘volunteers’ to do stuff for the scouts? Parents too lazy to do it themselves? Where is lazy dad? Obviously. Hope you watch news other than the local news, else you have a narrow view of the world outside your ward. But some of the women seem too busy making more babies to concern themselves with the world.

  • Bub February 9, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    “We know about teen pregnancy and abortions on the rise”

    I have not heard this…hmm

  • Bob February 9, 2014 at 3:35 pm

    In southern Utah, I wonder how many DNA mismatches you’d find between her hubby and their kids?

  • Izzy February 10, 2014 at 8:37 am

    Bob I am not from southern Utah. I have lived in several states all my life and you can gladly check my children’s DNA. Unlike you, I do know who I have had sex with. Bud mocking really shows your maturity level, you should really listen to Richard. Joe, you sound like a Mormon !!!!

    • Bob February 10, 2014 at 3:09 pm

      Maybe I’m basing that assumption on the many come-ons I’ve had from mrs mormons. Just saying.

  • Izzy February 10, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    Bob, Sounds like you are disgruntled because they didn’t give you what you wanted ha ha, let’s talk about your miserable life… You are probably working in a dead end job, living by yourself because no woman would put up with you. No woman would be that stupid. When you come home from work you fall asleep in front of the television with a twelve pack gone and a beer in your hand. Then you wake up on the couch to find its morning and you don’t have time for a shower. So you go to work smelling like last nights beer and a hangover. No future plans, no retirement, no family, no wife, and nothing for the future. At least our husbands have something to work for, providing for their little children who come giggling and happy to see him when he comes through the door.

    • Bob February 11, 2014 at 7:42 pm

      Actually turned them down because I have higher morals. Most seemed bored with their hubbies or wanted someone who made more money to pay for their materialistic wants to compete with their shallow friends.

    • Bob February 12, 2014 at 9:57 am

      You’re just denying a fact that in St George while the the hubby is away, the mormon mommy will play. Naw, I didn’t come onto them, they approached me. I’m not into bored married mormon mommies with a bunch of kids and an inattentive hubby, regardless of how much they try assuring me it’s okay and will be our secret.

  • Izzy February 11, 2014 at 5:50 am

    Sounds like Joe, Bud, and Bob are from St George and don’t know they are confined to little box. If they traveled the United States they would know that other women in other religions talk about the same things….their main concern is their children. I’m living in Florida in the heart of the Bible Belt, right now and have had the opportunity to talk with these women. They just want their children’s lives to mean something good. They work hard so their children will not be average nothings. Maybe Joe,Bud, and Bobs mothers missed the boat with them or perhaps they just didn’t listen.

    • Bob February 11, 2014 at 7:44 pm

      More to life than to be completely absorbed by your religion and its demands.

  • Izzy February 12, 2014 at 10:31 pm

    Bob, you are full of it… Hahaha

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