What the HAYnes? Celebrating the American worker and the lazy people

HUMOR – Labor Day is coming up, and like most Americans I will celebrate the day by sitting in the bank drive-through for 10 minutes before I realize that the bank is closed. Upon the realization that it is Labor Day, I will then mourn the end of summer by taking advantage of retail sales and gathering my friends and family to eat a variety of grilled meats.

I am ashamed to admit that I have never considered why we celebrate Labor Day. When the federal government tells me to take a day off of work I do not question it.

The observance of Labor Day was initially suggested in 1882 by both Peter McGuire and Matthew Maguire, two union workers who had only their similar last names and amusing moustaches in common. It was not until 1894 that President Grover Cleveland made Labor Day a federal holiday.

According to the United States Department of Labor, Labor Day “is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers …. It is appropriate … that the nation pay tribute on Labor Day to the creator of so much of the nation’s strength, freedom, and leadership — the American worker.”

I can get behind the idea of celebrating the American worker by not working.

I am inherently lazy. I love sleeping in. I take shortcuts. I could spend an entire Saturday sitting on a bean bag, eating doughnuts, and reading a book. Unfortunately, because I need to eat, I have children to raise, and I do not like living in my own filth, I am constantly fighting my lazy nature. I think this means that I am finally an adult.

Lech Walesa, former president of Poland, is a self-proclaimed lazy person. He said: “I’m lazy. But it’s the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn’t like walking or carrying things.”

Bill Gates said: “I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it.”

Lazy people do not see the value in doing things the hard way, but they do see the value in getting the job done quickly so that they can take a nap.

Lazy people deserve a little credit. I should qualify that statement: Lazy people who have been conned into working deserve a little credit. I would suggest a holiday for lazy people, but every day is a holiday when you are a lazy person. I also have an abiding appreciation of people who work hard and do their jobs well, as should every person who has a solid roof over their head or who has gotten everything that they ordered at the Taco Bell drive-through.

Labor Day is a day to pay tribute to the American worker: the firefighters, hairdressers, musicians, bakers, teachers, farmers, truck drivers, policemen, and the people who make sure that clean drinking water comes out of our pipes like magic.

Thanks for getting the job done, American worker. You deserve a day off. Just don’t forget that the bank is closed.


Elise Haynes chronicles family life in her blog Haynes Family Yard Sale. Any opinions stated in this column are her own and not necessarily those of St. George News.

Email: [email protected]

Twitter: @STGnews

Copyright St. George News, SaintGeorgeUtah.com LLC, 2013, all rights reserved.



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1 Comment

  • DC September 1, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    You forgot to mention the people that make the Internet work “like magic” as well.

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