What the HAYnes? You want to do something with me on Mother’s Day

HUMOR – Sunday is Mother’s Day.

I offer that as a public service announcement for those who have neglected to remember how grateful they should be to the woman who sacrificed her body and her mind to bring you into this world – as well as her ability to use the restroom without an entourage following her into the bathroom with queries and needs like, “What are you doing now, Mom? Why are you taking so long? Can you make hot dogs with ketchup and barbeque sauce and popsicles for lunch? I can’t find my hamster.”

Finding a way to adequately express gratitude to the woman to whom you owe your existence can prove challenging. Many people are wondering what to buy for their mother. We see headlines like, “10 trendy and cheap last-minute gifts for Mother’s Day” on the news. It seems that the spirit of Mother’s Day has drowned in a sea of capitalism and insincerity and stinky perfume.

When Anna Jarvis proposed the idea of Mother’s Day back in the early 1900s the idea was to honor unselfish mothers in simple yet sincere ways, like a handwritten letter. Mother’s Day quickly escalated into a commercially-driven Hallmark holiday, and in 1948 Anna Jarvis was arrested for disturbing the peace as she protested the commercialism of the holiday – like a true mother.

The lesson to take away from this is that Mother’s Day was never intended to be about giving your mom some trendy, cheap, last-minute tchotchke that she will feel guilty about donating to Deseret Industries.

Mother’s Day is about honoring your selfless mother by giving her what she really wants: to be left alone in a silent room with an enormous box of See’s candy and chocolate Coke from Swig.  At least, that is what I want. I want my children to show me that they love me by leaving me the heck alone. There are probably different moms who want different things – to each their own.

There are all kinds of mothers in this world. There are stay-at-home moms. There are moms who have careers outside of the home. There are single mothers who somehow manage to be a dad, too. There are foster moms. There are adoptive moms. There are the moms who were never able to have children of their own. There are the moms whose children have grown into productive adults and have moved into their own houses. I have heard that these moms are a myth, but I am holding on to hope.

Despite our differences, there are some things that all mothers agree on: No matter how you go about it, motherhood is exhausting. And, whoever the genius is that decided swings were a good idea at the park should be publicly flogged.

I would like to dedicate this column to my mom, Anne. She has been raising children her entire life. She raised her brothers and sisters. She raised seven children. She is helping us raise her 19 grandchildren. She makes the best fried rice. You are my hero, Mom. I love you. And to prove it, I will leave you the heck alone … for one day.


Elise Haynes chronicles family life in her blog Haynes Family Yard Sale. Any opinions stated in this column are her own and not necessarily those of St. George News.

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Twitter: @STGnews

Copyright St. George News, SaintGeorgeUtah.com LLC, 2013, all rights reserved.



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