What the HAYnes? It’s exciting living with geological perils; or, City of St. George shrugged

St. George shrugged, Mayor Dan McArthur
Humorous take on boulders rolling down St. George hillsides and outcry of some for City of St. George to take responsibility. St. George shrugged. Face of Mayor Dan McArthur | Image by St. George News graphic designers

HUMOR – Recent headlines involving a boulder tumbling down a hillside and landing in the bed of an unsuspecting woman have the collective underpants of many St. George residents in a bunch.

Some residents wonder: Why does the city allow people to build in places like this?! Why does the city make it so easy to getting a building permit?! What will the city do about these boulders that are tumbling willy-nilly around us?!

Here are my questions: What is the city going to do about that blasted summer heat? And what about these Mormons everywhere – can’t the city do something about them? I would also like to have green grass in my yard year-round. I wish the city would figure out this whole arid climate thing.

Clearly I cannot have the City of St. George do all of my thinking for me, so I have decided to take matters into my own hands and consult the Internet. After exactly one Google search – “potential geological catastrophes Washington County Utah” – I found a study that lists the geologic hazards and adverse construction conditions present in the St.George-Hurricane metropolitan area. Obviously, the person in charge of concealing top secret geologic hazard information down at the city slept in today.

After perusing the study over a bowl of Berry Cap’n Crunch I have come to two conclusions. First, Berry Cap’n Crunch really does a number on my gums and yet I cannot stop myself from eating it. Second, like every other place in the world, the St. George-Hurricane metropolitan area is fraught with potential geologic hazards. In a third and related conclusion, I have found that skimming 100 pages worth of geological mumbo-jumbo makes me super drowsy.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, “I wish someone would read this study for me and summarize it in a paragraph or less.”

Today is your lucky day. I am going to summarize the study for you. And any day that you wake up without a Volkswagen-sized boulder in your bed is a lucky day, in my opinion.

The study concludes that the main geologic hazards in this area are flooding, expansive soil, landslides, rock fall, and earthquakes. The study states, “As urbanization expands into areas less suited for development, geologic hazards and adverse construction conditions become increasing concerns in planning, design, and construction of new facilities.” These scientists are full of surprising information, are they not?

The thing to do is to decide which potential hazard you are most intimidated by and avoid living in that area. Is flood water not your thing? Avoid living on a flood plain or at the foot of a crumbling water-retention structure. Is fear of rocks rolling into your living room keeping you awake at night? Avoid living under a boulder-strewn hilltop. If earthquakes are what you worry about, then do not live on an active fault line. If it is sink holes that terrify you, then you are absolutely justified. And good luck. Those things are a real geologic crap-shoot.

Above all, be aware of the risks around you and know the consequences of disregarding them. For example, I know that when I go through the drive through at the Dairy Queen on Bluff Street for my weekly cherry-dipped chocolate soft serve, I am taking my life into my own hands. It is a risk I am willing to take, just like with the Cap’n Crunch.

Related posts

Earthquake reported at 4.4 magnitude near Moab

Husband reflects on house-crashing boulder, wife’s close call; future of the rock

Possible solution underway for Black Hill’s creeping landslide; STGnews videocast

Virgin River flooding false alarm; STGnews Photo Gallery

Skyline Pond reservoir breach busies St. George workers in morning hours

Recent flooding leads to concerns over mold

Las Hurdes townhomes flooded like the Titanic, tenants devastated; Photo Gallery

Perspectives: Who is crazier, survivalists or the unprepared?

Elise Haynes chronicles family life in her blog Haynes Family Yard Sale. Any opinions stated in this column are her own and not necessarily those of St. George News.

Email: news@stgnews.com

Twitter: @STGnews

Copyright St. George News, SaintGeorgeUtah.com LLC, 2013, all rights reserved.

St. George shrugged, Mayor Dan McArthur
Humorous take on boulders rolling down St. George hillsides and outcry of some for City of St. George to take responsibility. St. George shrugged. Face of Mayor Dan McArthur | Image by Brett Barrett, St. George News

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2 Comments

  • Kenneth R. Carlton January 25, 2013 at 10:27 am

    Very nicely done, making fun of the “Nannie Crowd”. Good advise, and remember to stay away from stampeding elephants .

    • Snowfield January 26, 2013 at 11:14 am

      Many coming from other areas where there are standards and building codes make the assumption that since Utah is technically still part of the United States, there are some standards. That’s where they’re wrong.

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